Written

not gonna lie, I’m a sad fucking person. 
I just realized how “depressed” I might actually be, I’m fucking cold and lonely

it’s actually more of a new thing since for the past at least 6 months I’ve been generally happy I guess, with the meeting of new people and new things to do… but now it’s almost like being sober isn’t that fun… and the people I used to enjoy spending my time with thinking we were so close and all… I don’t know

and my one best friend things are almost weird.. like I feel as if they’re getting annoyed with me..and it makes me feel like complete shit.

3-4 months ago is when we REALLY became best friends (i mean seeing eachother every day), were the exact same person and everything… the past few weeks there hasn’t been excitement to like hangout or anything…. I guess I got old and boring?

hi!

I’m gonna try to use this more so I don’t just seem CRAAAZY…becasue usually when I do its times I REALLY just need to talk to…someone? I guess.

I did lsd a few days ago and actually the trip i think overall was bad… it was really.. dark

haha I seem CRAZY. but this is a priv tumblr so it’s always gonna just be the stuff I can’t write on my real one that people know me on. im not an addict or anything

the past few months have been drug filled and also the best few months ever.

However I guess the past month there hasn’t really been one day where I have been sober… (not including weed) 

there HAS been, like today…

and a few days ago I was and those times are the worst times ever

I’m scared, I think that everything is really starting to catch up, I can feel my brain start to twitch every once in a while

it feels like yesterday I was googling effects of ecstasy and what I read I didn’t believe but now I’m starting to see what they meant. Shits fucked up and I’m scared to come to the realization that although we joke about how people become addicts knowing it will never happen to us… I think we all know its happening and were to scared to admit it to ourselves. Being here alone without being on something is some of the scariest times I’ve ever experienced. I have never hated myself so much than ever before. I just started this and am not saying who I am.. but I am saying I think I might be scared.